Not the Final Answer

  Who does one serve who serves the Grail?

       perhaps no one in this great circle of existence

       and non-existence spinning molten

       cannonballs and supernovas

       in random directionality

  focus      focus      focus

  we are creators within this turning of widening gyres

                             but creating what?

  oneness with the most ultimate and unmanifest

  identity with some virtue culled from the history

                                        of human experience

  and deemed to be a key to greater happiness

                                                   or less suffering

  or the longterm minute effect of endless buffering

                                                          of the human soul

  by the conditions which simply are the conditions of our being

                 however we describe or reframe them.

ah, the Grail, the keyless key, the clueless clue,

  we see as if it will in fact change our essential predicament,

  heal the land, heal the king and queen,

                 bring harmonious flow among all the elements.

we must believe that our efforts make a difference

perhaps it is a what that we serve

  whose visible name is Grail

                a what, an unnameable,

   who could be called molloy

               or malone mourir or finnegan

               or even muhammed

  but whose name is always a made-up name

  whose name has the magic we invest in it

               with our penchant for affinity with that

  which seems to nurture us and the things we think we want

an unreachable what beyond the beyond

           we yearn for

           we yearn to touch

believing if only we can make that connection

  then all will be hunky-dory

                     an irredeemable bliss

                     an irreconcilable ecstasy

  will invest our momentary awareness

                     more profound than a moment’s pleasure

  longer lasting and always re-reachable

                     as if that what is Nirvana

  not the moment after the candle is blown out

 

Circles

How synchronistic that this year’s theme for Circles on the Mountain  is “Community”. This year’s gathering was an ongoing demonstration of the power of community. The circle of the community encompasses the needs, desires and aspirations of the collective as well as each individual within the circle. The use of council as the primary structure through which all expressions have room to be must be an excellent example of ancient wisdom being applied in modern times. Everyone has an equal voice. Everyone is expected to listen. Everyone needs to be expeditious in getting to the heart of the matter and in trusting that Spirit speaks best through spontaneity. When community and council are being held well, each individual feels adequate in being one’s true Self, trusting that wisdom will flow through each member as needed, and that the wisdom is truly greater than the sum of its parts. We all emerge as beautiful souls in our pleasure and in our pain, in our grace and in our awkwardness, in our clarity and in our fogginess. We back each other up filling in with our own strengths the weaknesses of our sisters and brothers as they fill in ours. Thus our weaknesses become strengths as each true Self arrives to fully be and become and the trust grows that true Selves in relationship make no mistakes that cannot be corrected, and each true self can at times be beautifully awesome.

The closing ceremony touched me deeply as unassigned voices spontaneously made the offerings to the seven directions as if Spirit truly was directing us in our relationship with each other and with the Other World. How marvelous for me to finally feel this happening in such an effortless way, particularly after coming to this gathering anticipating grave challenges and conflictual debates and a difficult working through of issues. It feels like we are truly together entering Big Mind. So let us all be mindful so that this that we come to provides a foundation for further growth and enlightenment.

 

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I am reading from my book Flowers in their Hair Come and hear me and some other great local authors.

DINE WITH LOCAL AUTHORS

MONDAY March 12, 6 PM

Gaia’s Garden International Vegetarian Buffet

Wine, beer, cider, organic coffee, tea and more! $4 minimum food purchase. Gaiasgardenonline.com 1899 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa

Six authors will present their work. Call 544-2491 or email the Local Author’s Distributor:

info@jeaneslone.com to request dining at a specific author’s table.

Peering into the Abyss

The following came from a facebook post from one of my Ukrainian friends, Sergey. It is translated via google translate. Thus some of the strange syntax. I found it entertaining

 

BLOG-BOOK REGIO DEI
Peering into the abyss – 4.
Print
February 1st, 2012 by Dmitry Stepanov
CONTINUED. HOME – HERE. PREVIOUS – HERE.

With ecstatic agony and experience related to the cleaning of fire, which Grof gave a metaphysical explanation. The associative relationship of combat fights and, in particular, sexual “struggle” with the fire element is represented in numerous metaphors and metonymy, by which various mythopoetic texts expressed epic duels and their heroes.

Epic heroes are in a state of martial ardor, as it were on fire. When the hero of the Kyrgyz epic Manas aroused a furious battle, he “flew hissing from the eyes of flame, mouth thick smoke poured, and the hair, that body, pierced the armor and popping out” (quoted in [11, p. 69] .)

Similarly, transformed in the Irish hero Cuchulainn battle, “Here for the first time Cuchulainn distorted, becoming multifaceted, horrible, unrecognizable, wild. His thighs quivered like a reed in the stream, or a tree in the stream, began to tremble inside it, every joint, every member of … Meanwhile, his face turned red in the dent … Thundering beats the heart of the ribs could be mistaken for growling dog or a menacing lion that attacked at a bear. Torches goddess of war, poisonous clouds and fiery sparks could be seen in the air and the clouds above his head, but the terrible boiling rage, rises above the Cuchulain … heroic glow emanated from his forehead with Cuchulain, long and wide, as if sharpening stone warrior … In the center of the kerf troops Cuchulainn and surrounded it with a huge shaft of corpses. “ [12, p. 220, 221, 222].

Worried militant anger Cuchulain tribesmen took several measures to extinguish it. So, they tried to translate military ardor in the heat of passion: “And now that they conspired to: send into the field to meet Cuchulainn thrice fifty naked women, led by Skandlah to show them their nakedness, and his disgrace. Soon out of the gate all the young girls and the boy showed his nakedness and shame. Concealed from them, a boy and his face turned to the chariot, so as not to see the nakedness of women. Then he took away from the chariot and plunged into three vats of ice water, to extinguish his anger. Like a nutshell scattered boards and hoops first vat, in the second bubbling water for a few cubits in height, and water from the third vat tolerated it just would not. There came forth from the boy’s anger, and then dressed him in clothes. Cuchulain returned to its former appearance, and he blushed from head to toe. “ [12, p. 172-173].

The experience of the ecstatic experience of the fire caused so stable associative trails that connect with the fire of battle fray, sexual “struggle” and all sorts of cultural variations. There is no puzzle, the only question is why the majority of patients Grof aware of the fire as a cleansing. Grof has quite clearly pointed out: “Fire, as it turns out, destroys all evil and rotten to the individual and prepares it for updating and rejuvenating experience of regeneration. Sophisticated subjects referred to in this context, the medieval practice of expelling evil spirits by the sacrifice of heretics and people accused of witchcraft, the sacrificial self-immolation of Buddhist monks and tested by fire, which was part of the ritual of initiation into the Hermetic tradition. These individuals reported that they had reached a depth of penetration into these phenomena, as well as come to a new understanding of the symbolism of certain cultural products, such as rejuvenating the fire, which supports the eternal youth of the priestess in the novel, Haggard’s “She”, and the sacrifice of Siegfried and Brünnhilde at the end “ Twilight of the Gods “by Richard Wagner. Appropriate symbol associated with the idea of ​​purifying fire, a phoenix, a legendary bird, winding its nest on fire and dying in the flames, the flames as the fire helps to hatch from the eggs of the new Phoenix in the burning nest. “ [5, p.127-128].

The answer is quite simple. Ecstatic experience of the fire was unconscious, as he was aware of an individual through their own cultural practices and appropriate interpretation of the therapist. Consumer understanding of the cleansing properties of fire, the historical knowledge of the Inquisition and the ritual of self-immolation, mythological and literary information about bird Phoenix, anti-aging fire, etc. – all this determines the corresponding vision of ecstatic fire as a cleansing.

Resolution of severe emotional crisis, the success in addressing difficult professional task, once the restoration of the lost social status and unexpected success in that seemed hopeless, can speak in a psychedelic experience ecstatic paintings of mythological and historical triumphs, victory parades and festivals, spring revival of nature and Triumphant of life. Under the influence of LSD people can relive scenes from his past, associated with its achievements and successes. Sometimes he plays and perinatal experience, reflecting the circumstances of his birth – is experiencing a revival. He sees the divine light, but it’s not a “generic” light, the light is ecstatic, expressing positive feelings.

You do not need to take the proposed scheme as a manifestation of ecstatic experiences dogma. In fact, the mental state of human communication, the circumstances of his life or external environment session with psychedelic imagery is rather complicated and unstable. So, the feeling of prenatal bliss may appear in the ecstatic state and during a heavy emotional crisis compensatory in relation to it. If a deadlock situation in life, which turned out to be a person authorized by itself, without his efforts, psychedelic experience, “no way” could be replaced by an experience of rebirth, bypassing the experience of a titanic struggle. Similar combinations of ecstatic experiences can be as much.

Patients Grof in their self-reports showed a relatively stable pattern of expression of psychedelic imagery. According to the therapist, “in psiholiticheskoy therapy in patients with severe symptoms, especially neuropsychiatric, to work through all levels of traumatic experiences of their individual life stories may take a long time and a large number of sessions. After passing the psychodynamic level of perinatal elements in the session, such patients are usually first appear before the situation “no exit” (BMP-II). As the number of sessions in the foreground are the phenomena connected with the struggle of death-rebirth (BPM-III).Sometimes in these contexts, there are short scenes of revival (BPM-IV) and cosmic unity (BPM-I). In the end, when the death of the ego and the rebirth experienced by a clear and definitive form, opening the way to the elements and the first perinatal matrix, and the various, apparently transpersonal dynamic structures. Following this, the phenomena associated with biological birth (BPM-II,-III and BPM BPM-iV), tend to disappear from the sessions and will not appear in the further procedure of LSD. “ [5, p.146].

This sequence displays the ecstatic experiences of patients Grof is quite natural. It should be remembered that the psychedelic treated neurotics who lived in a deep spiritual crisis; to Grof they came from complete despair after a long and unsuccessful traditional psychotherapy, which included psychoanalysis. Not surprisingly, therefore, that one of their first ecstatic experience was emotionally rich experience of “no exit”.

Lasted more psychedelic therapy often led to some successes – or disappear neurotic symptoms, obsessions and fears – which, in turn, is “awakened” and stepped up to the individual mental activity aimed at finding the “exit”. In the ecstatic experiences of the motive appeared titanic struggle.

Notable successes in psychotherapy manifested in psychedelic paintings of rebirth and prenatal bliss. They were not stable, if fragile, and were the results of therapy. Then, once again dominated the psychedelic experiences of ecstatic picture of combat or sexual encounters “struggle.” But if the therapy resulted in significant recovery of the patient, emotionally rich experiences titanic struggle and the revival vanished and gave way to the ecstatic experience of prenatal bliss, testifying to the restoration of the soul suffering the desired harmony.

It should be noted that in the context of the concept of Stanislav Grof psychedelic experience of prenatal bliss after the experience of states “no exit”, the tribal fighting and the death-rebirth is very mysterious. As Grof during an individual LSD session is in the process of re-birth, moving sequentially from the activation of the first perinatal matrix to the fourth. But the facts gathered by Grof, suggest that successful therapy is not complete activation of the fourth and the first matrix. In other words, according to Grof rebirth leads back into the womb.

Surviving such a painful process of birth, to eventually be back in the belly? Another grofovsky paradox worthy of Rabelaisian jokes.

All this seemed to see Grof, but somehow miraculously did not notice. In this connection, it would be better not compare with Virgil, the poet confidently vodivshim infernal circles, but with a sort of folklore the blind Homer, lost in the underworld.Fortunately, he has not appeared yet the poet who sang to it – whether comic, or tragic, or tragicomic – infernal journey. PART 2 – COMING SOON
______________________
Used sources and literature.

A. Apuleius. Metamorphosis, or Golden Ass. / / Achilles Taty. Leucippus and Klitofont. Long said. Daphnis and Chloe.Petronius. Satyricon. Apuleius. Metamorphosis, or Golden Ass. M.: Fiction, 1969. - S. 349 – 544.
Two. AN Afanas’ev light and darkness. / / AN Afanasiev Tree of Life: Selected papers. M.: Contemporary, 1982. - S. 37 – 52.
Three. Vygotsky, LS historical meaning of psychological crisis. A methodological study. / / LS Vygotsky, Collected Works: In 6 T. 1. Theory and history of psychology. MM: Pedagogy, 1982. - S. 291 – 436.
4. Grof S. Beyond the brain. Moscow: Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. Publishing House of the Institute of Psychotherapy, 2000. - 504 p.
Five. Grof S. Regions of the human unconscious: the experience of research with LSD. M.: MTM, 1994. - 240.
6. S. Grof Journey in search of himself. Moscow: Institute of Transpersonal, 1994. - 342 p.
7. Drury AN Transpersonal Psychology. Moscow: Institute of humanities research, Lions: The Initiative, 2001. - 208 p.
Eight. Vyacheslav Ivanov. Sun Essays on the prehistory and history with

 

 

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Anti-War, Pro-Soldier?

 

The challenge and dilemma of these times is how to oppose the wars and not dishonor the soldiers. There is no magic formula, and emotions run high on all sides of these issues. 9/11 crystallized a certain knee-jerk reaction in the country, which might be summed up as, “Let’s go get the bastards and teach them a lesson.” Our political leaders (Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush and others) invented other “reasons” for prosecuting the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Weapons of mass destruction, WMD’s was the favorite totally false fabrication.

So the American military was given the job of destroying two countries. The ultimate goals were never clearly articulated and changed with the changing fortunes of our military adventures. Patriotic fervor was whipped up to induce impressionable high-school boys to volunteer for the job of trained killer. Many of them have returned shattered in body, mind and soul. The act of killing another human being does not happen without massive psychological consequences. The experience of having those closest to you die ugly and violent deaths also has enormous consequences. Being traumatically injured has never-ending consequences.

George I, our first bush-league president, announced during the Gulf War that the Vietnam Syndrome was over. He never defined the Vietnam Syndrome, so I will define it: massive civilian casualties and loss of homes running in the millions; a pattern in the American  military of traumatic brain injury, post-traumatic stress disorder/syndrome, suicide, a variety of disabilities and inability to function in civilian society; strange new diseases attributable to chemical and biological weapons (agent orange in Vietnam, uranium-coated armaments in Iraq); a population in the invaded country that has become more and more hostile to the American occupation forces; inability to distinguish ally from enemy (they all look alike and don’t often wear uniforms).

Many Vietnam veterans came home to actively oppose the war. Of course the army was not largely volunteer in the Vietnam era, and soldiers were not routinely ordered into a second, third or fourth tour of duty. When the thirteen months were completed, soldiers went home or went to Okinawa or Germany or some other non-combat zone. There was always light at the end of the tunnel. Nonetheless the number of suicides of Vietnam veterans easily surpassed the number of combat casualties and continues to rise. Since the military government is concealing the current rate of suicide among combat veterans by reporting them as “self-inflicted gunshot wound” and other euphemisms, it is difficult to determine the true number of suicides related to the current wars.

When the anti-Vietnam War movement was at its most heated, the worst epithet hurled at Veterans in uniform was “baby killer”. In some of the individual stories of veterans, what had been most devastating to their psyches was to have knowingly killed a child. The murder of the innocents clearly has more negative impact on the emotional brain than the killing of a perceived equal. Modern warfare in the last hundred years has increasingly involved massive civilian deaths. Total war means there are no non-combatants. Bombs do not discriminate. When America bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki, it happened with full knowledge that there would be hundreds of thousands of deaths of civilians with a predominance of women and children. The twin towers of 9/11 infamy were obviously civilian targets. The provocateurs might claim that the target was the world financial hub, but the people who died were ordinary civilians, many of them immigrants to America. When the killing is done hand-to-hand, street-to-street, building -to-building, the evidence of deaths to women and children is more extremely obvious and has greater destructive impact on all those who witness such results of warfare, especially those who may have purposely or inadvertently caused such deaths.

9/11 was a criminal act. The criminals deserved to be caught and punished. Many of them have been. Our leaders chose to characterize 9/11 as an act of war and respond by invading two countries. The initial civilian deaths of the twin towers and the Pentagon were less than five thousand. The civilian deaths of America’s twin wars easily run into the hundreds of thousands and probably millions. Has America gotten its revenge? Have we taught the bastards a lesson? Or are we, as is so often the case, teaching ourselves a lesson? Have enough of our soldiers suicided? Forget the millions of Iraqis and Afghanis killed and displaced, have enough of our soldiers died by their own hands to surpass the number of deaths on 9/11?

Will there ever be a time as there is in South Africa to this day, when the ex-combatants from both sides of the current wars sit in the same circle to try to heal from the disabling shame that they carry for the terrible things they did so may years ago? Have we learned the lesson yet, the lesson about what violence and killing does the soul of a human being? If we haven’t learned it yet, when will we?

Return from the Sacred

Sometimes during life the door to the Spirit World opens up and people experience revelations, epiphanies, visions and other spiritual phenomena. In the sixties psychedelic drugs were sometimes a medium for opening the “doors of perception”. Unfortunately those glimpses were fleeting and the doors often slammed shut again.
For thousands of years human beings have practiced ceremonies as a means of achieving Holy Communion, healing, dialogue with ancestors and deities and openness to experiencing the flow of divine energy. One of the dilemmas of any peak spiritual experience may be the awakening of traumatic or other disturbing material from the deep psyche. Emotional imprints recorded at an early age can be activated in such a way that the participant in ceremonial or other intensive spiritual practice begins to act out dramas from an earlier stage of life.
Return to the everyday world can be quite difficult for a person in the throes of such activation, as if a more primitive (developmentally earlier) sub-personality wants to run the personal show and get unfulfilled needs gratified. Some of the most powerful sub-personalities orient from the 2-3 year old stage of life. One way I refer to this phenomenon is as the abandoned two or three year old.
Sacred space is so beautiful, ecstatic and fulfilling that the desire to not let it go is totally understandable. At least temporarily spiritual experiences can fill all of our empty places inside. At its best ceremony is an experience of total immersion in the flow of Holy Spirit or God Energy. All desires are fulfilled. All troubles are soothed. Life is in perfect balance.
Then the ceremony ends, and we find ourselves dealing again with the conditions of our lives, and our awareness of what’s problematic or just not working may be acutely magnified. The clarity, purity and perceived perfection of ceremonial experience may serve to aggravate or intensify one’s feeling perception of past trauma and current imperfections. Thus arises the sometime dilemma of returning to the everyday world after the intensity, bliss, balance an/or sense of perfection experienced in ceremony. How does one carry the ceremonial experience, not lose it or allow it to slip into unconsciousness and also without being so caught up in the spiritual immersion of ceremony that one’s behavior is markedly out of sync with the everyday world?
There is no single definitive answer to this question, but it is the right question with regard to trying to maintain some balance. In some circumstances it may be totally appropriate to turn one’s life upside down. In another case it might be best to try to just sit contemplatively with all of the thoughts, feelings and experiences and petition Higher Power (in some form) for guidance.
Myths and folk tales are full of stories about the Return of the Hero. Sometimes s/he sinks into forgetfulness. Sometimes s/he is betrayed by those previously judged to be close friends or relatives. Sometimes the gifts from the Spirit World are misunderstood by loved ones and discarded or disregarded. Sometimes s/he simply collapses under the complex pressures of life in what feels like an unreal world. And sometimes s/he is able somehow to hold an appropriate balance “rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s.” Guidance is good, and s/he steers a course between rocks and waves and reaches the other shore having lost very little of the gifts of Spirit s/he carries. Sometimes s/he has to bargain and compromise and prioritize in order to save that one thing or those few things that are really really important.
The Return is often the most dangerous and difficult time of the journey, which seems strange given the ordeals of some ceremonies. The Return can give a person the feeling of being caught between the two worlds, the Sacred and the profane, not being solidly connected with either one. Realities that seemed self-evident within the Sacred Circle are now uncertain. The realities experienced in Sacred Ceremony don’t translate directly into a world that feels out of focus, out of balance and out of sync. The fact of living in a society that doesn’t generally accept or even recognize the realities of the Sacred further complicates the dichotomy. There is a cognitive and emotional dissonance in trying to follow the guidelines of the Sacred in the profane world. The teachers of the Sacred may not be helpful with the struggles of memory, background and childhood trauma. I know people who were sent home from ashrams because the psychological crises that arose for them were beyond the abilities of the ashram staff to deal with.
So what’s the Hero to do, having returned home with a new vision of Self, when s/he gets treated like the same of person who existed pre-ceremony? What does she do with the healing, learning, Medicine Power and new visions of Self.? For each person there are possible approaches which may be helpful. The key questions to be asked over and over again are, “How do I live my vision as best I can in my everyday world?” and, “What changes do I absolutely have to make?” and, “What can I do on a daily basis to support and nurture my new sense of Self?”
My own answers inevitably point to meditation, prayer and the practice of simple, meaningful personal ceremonies that re-create and sustain connection with the Sacred. Whenever possible social interaction with others who have some understanding and harmony with the ceremonial and visionary process can be very helpful. Keep telling your story to yourself and to sympathetic others. During the process of integration the story evolves and adapts to inner and outer environment. It is still the flow of yin and yang into and out of each other. It is still the flow of the four directions into and out of each other. How can the Sacred co-exist with the profane? How do personal psychology and social interaction work harmoniously with newly awakened spiritual truths? For ceremony and vision to have validity we have to find how to make our spiritual gifts work for us in our everyday lives. Keep asking for further guidance with regard to how to accomplish this spiritual activation within the everyday world. We are only limited by our inability to overcome the impediments of our personal psychological makeup and lack of skill at dealing with the barriers presented by our external environments. The great ones in the modern world (Gandhi, Mandela, King, St. Teresa of Cabora, et. al.) figured it out. Each of us in our own realms can figure it out too.

All of this discussion of the Return brings me around to my personal and immediate dilemma and the interface between the spiritual and psychological. While guiding my last quest in Ukraine, I had an experience which felt like total immersion in spiritual/divine love. This experience was progressively intense over several days and culminated in sharing an all-night vigil with a young Ukrainian woman. We had previously talked at length about our intentions, boundaries and guidelines. We agreed that we were not seeking a physical/sexual or romantic relationship with each other. We did recognize an amazing amount of energy flow between us. We decided to explore within our agreed-upon principles and parameters. We both recognized the potential for this energy to go in sexual or romantic directions. At one level, energy is just energy. We had decided to explore in the context of Sacred Space our own ability to experience a kind of spiritual love and sustain that expression without dropping our focus to some other manifestation of the energy.
We seemed to implicitly and mutually know exactly where the boundaries of physical contact were. In a sense they were exactly where they would be with a dear family member of the opposite sex–father-daughter, brother-sister, or mother-son. When there was doubt about whether a particular physical contact was within the parameters, we would talk about it. By holding ourselves within these agreed-upon limits, we were able to create and sustain an intense and immense experience of communion, well beyond anything I had previously experienced. It was not an in-love experience, which I have previously experienced with a great deal of intensity. There was a third presence in the tipi with us, a spiritual presence which suffused this Sacred Space we had defined. It was love, but the kind of love that Jesus/Morning Star/Quetzalcoatl represents, manifests and teahces. Was there sometimes temptation to move this energy to more familiar ground of sexual or romantic expressions. Of course there was. But both of us exerted a degree of discipline to stay on the Spiritual Path, in large part because the rewards of staying on this spiritual plane were so satisfying that the temptation to relate in any other way decreased over time. As one spiritual teacher said, “Why play in a puddle, when you can swim in the ocean?”
So where’s the dilemma? My best understanding at this point is that this immense experience of Communion stimulated very old material from deep in my psyche. When the questers returned from their solo time, this young woman, who was my translator, and I had to go to work. There were threshold ceremonies to welcome the questers back to the community and then there were their stories to be heard, translated and mirrored. She and I were still in communion as we worked, but there was little if any time to talk with each other, to integrate the experiences we had shared. When I was finally out of her presence, I was shocked to find myself feeling very young and panicky. I felt like an abandoned three year old, desperate to find my mommy. I went from the most fulfilling spiritual and multi-level experience of my life to feeling bereft and all alone and very, very young. Sitting under the stars, breathing, praying, smoking tobacco, and repeating certain phrases such as “Let go, let God!” finally calmed me down enough to sleep restfully that first night.
In my inner work I had previously identified a chronic and recurrent feeling of deep loneliness underneath the depression that I had experienced in my life. At a mindfulness conference one of the presenters had talked about this deep loneliness as a part of the human condition that Buddha referred to as “suffering” in the Four Noble Truths. Our suffering is primarily separation anxiety resulting from loss of connection with primary loved ones, something that virtually everyone who is not indigenous experiences to some degree. The exceptions may be cultures who practice some form of community-wide ceremonial communion on a regular basis, so that the sense of interconnectedness between the people and between the people and Spirit is never really lost. This experience of the abandoned three year old felt even deeper and more primal than these Buddhist teachings. It was more than yearning for something lost; it was panic, and I don’t have panic attacks. So the most profound and total immersion spiritual experience of my life led to an equally profound re-experiencing of early childhood emotional trauma. I had experienced having it all, everything that humans yearn for, a deeply satisfying experience of loving and being loved by another human being and both of us being loved by this sublime Spiritual Energy, for a time completing a circle of light and love. It was the Garden of Eden before the Fall. It was the original Spirit-Being-Humans before fear and greed began the downward spiral out of paradise. It was life in complete harmony with Spirit, Nature, and Inner Voice. It was flying with the angels. It was connection with ancient ancestors who were still living by the Original Instructions. Separation anxiety had not been invented. Deep interconnectedness was a primary fact of existence.
From ancient spiritual bliss and beauty to modern jagged and ragged material existence, but for the most part the group ceremonies sustained us for the ensuing three days even though there was only a little time for personal communion. Then came the day of separation, and our journeys continued without any physical presence, touch, encouragement, support or personal understanding. With pledges such as, “I carry you in my heart,” and “What we have experienced together lives in me forever”, we parted company to walk our individual paths. Since that time my roller-coaster ride continues to pass through lovely landscapes of Spiritual Love and Oneness, but also desperate wastelands of abandonment, loneliness, and disconnection. The Spiritual Self and the Psychological Self are dancing some hybrid of hip-hop and slow-motion martial arts. The intensity diminishes only slightly over time.
Am I grateful for what happened? Absolutely! We were given a gift of Holy Communion that I had yearned for, but had little sense of what it was like or how to get there. And I was given some clues about my ongoing psychological healing that went deeper than anything previously experienced. The psychological work continues. And the spiritual work continues. My studies and participation in ceremony with indigenous teachers have given me clues about how human beings have sustained a sense of communion and interconnectedness during the whole span of human history. Teachings I had previously only grasped with my mind begin to have analogues in my soul. My understanding that Jesus/Morning Star/Quetzalcoatl is more than anything a sublime Spiritual Energy now has an experiential base. May all beings be liberated! May all beings walk in Beauty!

Spiritual Love–An Essential Component of Community

In July of 1995 I went through a training program with the School of Lost Borders to become a Vision Quest guide. The essence of this spiritual quest is to spend four days and nights alone in the wilderness fasting and praying for healing and vision. On the fourth night questers are directed to remain awake for the entire night to the best of their ability. This portion of the quest is called the All-Night Vigil.

I sat facing east in the cold high desert air of the Inyo Mountains. Sometime after midnight the crescent moon came over the horizon and held within Luna’s smiling mouth was the Morning Star, the planet Venus. I was immediately suffused with an energy divine, wonderful and pleasurable. The colors radiating from this heavenly body had an ethereal, suffused-with-gentle-light quality which seemed to flow through my body and being, awaking awarenesses and feelings in me I had previously only suspected might exist. The existence of divinity in some form was self-evident. As this tandem of moon and planet rose in the eastern sky, I bathed in the purifying and enlightening energy radiating to me and through me. For hours I sat in this sweet altered state, feeling loved, taking in a subtle but profound visual beauty, feeling blessed, contemplating meanings at many levels of understanding, and permeated by a sense of awe and wonder that such an awakening could be provided simply by sitting in the presence of heavenly bodies with openness, willingness and trust.

There are many stories from many tribes all over the Americas of a traveling man who passed through their land and stayed awhile before moving on again. He was a great teacher often pictured as pale-skinned, bearded, and wearing a long robe and sandals. In each place the people would ask him his name. His reply was, “What would you like to call me in your language?” Often the name given to him was “Morning Star” or “Dawn Star”. The people seemed to recognize an energy radiating from him similar to the energy of this heavenly body. This teacher carried a simple message of peace and love.  Most importantly the people felt loved by him with a love that had no strings attached. They were loved in the way children are loved by the best parents or grandparents. They were loved unconditionally with only the expectation that they would do their best to love each other in the same way.

If we seek to experience and practice Spiritual Love, the Great Ones who have gone before have shown us the Way many times and in many places. This energy of Spiritual Love has been carried, demonstrated and given by Spirit Beings who have come to teach the people of Mother Earth. The message is essentially the same each time, sometimes with some extra embellishments or practices to help us awaken and maintain this experience and practice of peace and love. This love is without possessiveness or expectation of personal gain. One does not love in order to get something back. Of course it’s beautiful and wonderful when love is returned. The energy builds and becomes stronger and more resilient.

If there is self-centeredness in Spiritual Love, it is simply a form of enlightened self-interest. If one is truly able to sustain an attitude of Spiritual Love, the rewards include everything that human beings ordinarily seek: pleasure, fulfillment, warmth, support, community/communion, etc. In other words Spiritual Love can be the greatest feel-good possible for human beings. Why aim for anything less when the rewards are less and don’t last as long? This bears some examination.

Sexual love can be very pleasurable. I come from the generation that marched behind the banner of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. We had some great highs and some awful lows. Sexual love sustained by nothing else is ephemeral and as likely to lead to long-term suffering as long-term pleasure. Romantic love can be very fulfilling. The sense that he or she is the one and all the wonderful emotions that arise around that perception of the special one. Falling in love is very pleasurable, but the pink cloud of romantic lovers seems to last about six months. Reality begins to erode the idealization that has initially occurred. Romantic love sustained by nothing else begins to lose its luster within six months to a year. Then what? Often a person will turn to the next willing participant in the drama of falling in love to ride the roller-coaster of romantic love one more time, eventually wondering why it never really works out or lives up to the expectations about it.

There is a love between soul-mates, a sense of understanding and being understood, speaking the same language, implicitly getting the essence of the other person without explanation. This soulful love can be very beautiful and long-lasting. Without a strong spiritual foundation this love of best friends (same-sex or different) can have hard times and even a falling out over some real or imagined betrayal. If the expectation that one’s confidant is supposed to always and forever understand in just the right way, there will be disappointments, hurt feelings, and perhaps rejection. No one is anyone else’s absolutely perfect mirror. We can be very good but not perfect.

What is this Spiritual Love that may serve as the foundation to hold and contain these other forms of love? What is so powerful about Spiritual Love, that I would say it is sustainable and much less likely to create some kind of negative backlash? Hopefully trying to define it will not take away from it in some way. It is recognizable as an experience that many human beings can reference in some way. It includes being guided by the personhood and teachings of the Great Ones–Jesus/Morning Star/Quetzalcoatl, Buddha, Lao-Tzu, White Buffalo Calf Woman and others. It includes experiences of ceremonial/holy communion with a community of fellow practitioners. To practice Spiritual Love is to expect nothing in return, but also to be pleased and grateful when blessings return to one’s heart. We are touched in a deeply fulfilling way by the act of loving. We are also touched by being loved in this purer, less self-seeking way.

To sustain a practice of Spiritual Love usually requires a self-purifying/self-beautifying  practice of some kind.

Meditation, prayer and ceremony all help us to refocus or realign our energies with the Higher Self which resides within, the Atman, that part of each of us which is aligned with Spirit and has the ability to walk a clear Spiritual Path. There may be a razor’s edge feeling like riding the highest wave on the north shore of Oahu. It’s great, but if you fall, it’s really going to hurt. So how not to fall? Daily practice of reconnection or maintenance of connection with the Highest that we can conceive inside or outside of our Selves provides the best safety net for spiritual surfing. When the Bushmen of Southern Africa dance and move and shake and sing and vocalize, they say simply that they are doing this to open themselves for the energy of God to flow through them. Since they are the trunk of our human DNA tree, I think of them also as the trunk of our Spiritual Tree, simplest methods to facilitate an ongoing spiritual communion.

A simple form of meditation practiced regularly serves to build the Spiritual Center within, so that it is progressively stronger and other influences, such as the conditions of one’s life, are by comparison weaker. It is a practice of clarity and peace, making steady progress over time. It seems strange that a very simple act performed repetitively over time could have such a profound impact. To focus on your own breathing or the sounds in the environment, letting all other thoughts, feelings and sensations be noticed but pass by–this practice is calming to the entire psycho-physical system and occasionally revelatory.

We know from medical research that prayer like meditation has positive physical and psychological effects, which are easier to describe and quantify than the spiritual effects, which tend to be more personal and vary from person to person. Prayer is generally addressed to something a person considers higher or greater than oneself. We can pour into prayer all of our best aspirations, hopes and wishes for ourselves and others, and gratitude for that which we have received.

White Buffalo Calf Woman brought the gift of the Sacred Pipe to the people of the Plains. She initially met two hunters. The first immediately desired this beautiful woman physically and sexually. The second suspected she might be sacred. The first young man acted on his desires and in a few minutes was allowed live an entire lifetime, not a bad life but one limited by the focus of his desires. He did not receive the gifts of Spirit, because he single-mindedly focused on satisfying his physical desires.

This Sacred Woman/Spiritual Teacher taught the people the ceremony of the Sacred Pipe. This ceremony facilitated peace among at least ten tribes soon after her visit. She emphasized that in all our actions we must first look to Spirit, and then proceed if the intended action feels harmonious with Spirit. She taught, “Those, like the young man whose bones now lie beneath the prairie moonlight, who think first of the sexual expression of this fire and only second, if they think at all, of the spirit behind it, lock themselves into cycles of suffering and illusion–cycles unknown among our people a few short centuries ago, but which now are debilitating your nation, weakening your vitality and draining away your power.”

A similar analysis can be made with regard to Spiritual Love in relationship to the use of power and the formation and maintenance of community. In the forming of modern South Africa Nelson Mandela faced many temptations to use newfound power in the wrong way. It seems that in each instance he chose the path of Spiritual Love. In evolving the concepts of forgiveness and reconciliation, he gave everyone a chance to begin a process of “loving their enemies”. As a true elder, he could acknowledge the desire to use power in less than spiritual ways, but his Medicine Power continually guided his actions to embrace everyone as the Father/Grandfather of His Country.

So spiritual love does not deny other expressions of love nor power nor attempt to suppress them. There is a single admonition, “Look first to Spirit.” Ask for guidance and let Spirit help you to seek and reach for and experience the highest and most fulfilling expressions of our bio-psychological human being-ness.